On the Twelfth Day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

twelve glorious moustaches! 

Yeah yeah yeah, Christmas is over. BUT I just read today that traditionally the twelve days of Christmas actually starts ON Christmas and continues for a week and a half hence. So actually, I've been way ahead of schedule on these blogs, bitches!! And since today is the 12th day since Christmas, I am still on time. 

Anyway, there's not much that a person could need twelve of, or give to twelve of their friends. But there is one thing you can never have too much of... MOUSTACHES. Not much to say about it, just bask in their gloriousness. 

 

...eleven advil tablets

ten finger puppets
nine awesome apps

eight catnip eyeballs

seven Anthropologie aprons

six fannypacks for your head

FIVE POTTER PRESENTS

four snuggie knockoffs

three Ed Hardy hookahs

two handerpants

and an ooooooornameeeeeeent of yummmmmmmy suuuuuuuuushiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!

 Category(s): ridiculous, awesome

(Find them HERE from top to bottom: glasses, TOMS, chip clip, dog toy, party tashes, snowglobe, man bucket, framed stache, white shirt, carrot, mac staches, incognito dress)

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

 eleven advil tablets!

Today all I want is advil and water and sleep, because I am massively hung over due to hosting our family Christmas party which mostly ended up being mom and dad's friends circled up in the kitchen eating and chatting and the younger, Millsaps-slash-CHS academic team crew piling up on the couch and catching up while throwing back drink after drink but largely forgetting to eat, and also because I hadn't prepared anything for the eleventh day but I'm determined to try to get all these dang blog posts done because when I have an idea I stick to it, damn it, even when I really should have picked a holiday song with less numbers. 

Merry holidays and happy Christmas and peace on earth, y'all.

...ten finger puppets
nine awesome apps

eight catnip eyeballs

seven Anthropologie aprons

six fannypacks for your head

FIVE POTTER PRESENTS

four snuggie knockoffs

three Ed Hardy hookahs

two handerpants

and an ornament of yummy sushi

 Category(s): bleeerrrggghhh

On the Tenth Day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

ten finger puppets!

Because just imagine the magnificent stories you could come up with involving broccoli, Bob Ross, a gnome, the Loch Ness Monster, a kitty cat, toast with grape jelly, Joan from Mad Men, a triceratops, baby Jesus in the manger, and Edgar Allen Poe + raven... I know! It's almost too good. 

...nine awesome apps

eight catnip eyeballs

seven Anthropologie aprons

six fannypacks for your head

FIVE POTTER PRESENTS

four snuggie knockoffs

three Ed Hardy hookahs

two handerpants

and an ornament of yummy sushi

 Category(s): ridiculous... ly awesome

(Find them HERE: broccoli, Bob, gnome, Nessie, kitty, toast, Joan, dino, Jesus, Poe)

On the Ninth Day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

nine awesome apps!

By now, my true love's hard-earned bacon is getting spent pretty quickly, what with double slankets and cap sacs and Anthropologie aprons, so I'm going to give him a break on the ninth day and just get some apps. Because in this age of technological over-saturation (my favorite topic), I can't ever have too many things available to me at the touch of a button.

just a sampling

So let's see what we have here:
Echofon for Twitter: I tweet, therefore I am
Plants vs. Zombies: killing zombies, all day erry day
LOLcats: guilty
Bergdorf Goodman's Today's Shoe: show me the pretty
New York Times: keeping up with the homeworks
TV Guide: for seeing when Jeopardy is on
Hey Tell: walkie talkies are only slightly cooler
IMDb: reading about every movie I've ever seen, and several I haven't
Mobile RSS: so I can catch up on my blogz, anytime, anywhere

...eight catnip eyeballs

seven Anthropologie aprons

six fannypacks for your head

FIVE POTTER PRESENTS

four snuggie knockoffs

three Ed Hardy hookahs

two handerpants

and an ornament of yummy sushi

 Category(s): awesome

(Find them HERE)

On the Eighth Day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

eight catnip eyeballs! 

Of course there has to be at least one present for lil Penny! And when shopping for this discerning fluffball, catnip is key. She is obsessed with the catnip-filled mouse toys she currently has, and performs leaps and bounds and acro-cat tricks while chasing them around the apartment (see video).

But mice are passe. I can't wait to see her batting, gnawing on and running after EYEBALLS. There's nothing cuter than that, am I right?

this cat wishes he was as cute as Penny

this cat wishes he was with a cat as cute as Penny

...seven Anthropologie aprons

six fannypacks for your head
FIVE POTTER PRESENTS
four snuggie knockoffs

three Ed Hardy hookahs

two handerpants

and an ornament of yummy sushi

 Category(s): ridiculous (and a little awesome)

(Find it HERE)

On the Seventh Day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

seven Anthropologie aprons!

click to see all the glorious details

Who WOULDN'T want to spend the day cooking delicious yum yumz if they got to do it wearing such beautiful aprons? And with so many different gorgeous designs*, you can get one for each day of the week!

Or conversely, you could get one for each of the seven dishes you know how to make. In my case, I would have an apron each for quiche lorraine, lasagna, pancakes, potatoes au gratin, eggs (in omelette or fried form), cupcakes... and cereal. That cereal 'pron would get quite the workout.

I actually do love to cook and host parties and have an apron that I wear as I prance around the kitchen pretending to be a grown-up. I love pouring a glass of wine and cooking a real dinner for Brian when he comes home. It's my secret Stepford split personality. Unfortunately grad school (and the absurd amount that I procrastinate for grad school) typically keeps me from doing such cooking. Instead, I'm usually throwing a frozen pizza in the oven while wearing a sweatshirt and the same jeans I've had on for a week and trying to figure out how to turn two pages of quotes into three pages of a profile.

Which is why I need one (or a week's worth) of these beauties. Hell, I might even learn to cook more than seven things. 

...six fannypacks for your head
FIVE POTTER PRESENTS
four snuggie knockoffs

three Ed Hardy hookahs

two handerpants

and an ornament of yummy sushi

 Category(s): awesome

(Find them HERE)

* Of course Anthropologie would make aprons prettier than most of the dresses I own. Damn them.

On the Sixth Day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

six fanny packs for your head!

Few know this about me, but I am an ardent supporter of the fanny pack. Life would be so much easier if fanny packs were socially acceptable. I think about this all the time. So imagine my surprise and joy the day I discovered THESE exist. The "cap sac." Tagline? A fanny pack for your head.

Yes, that's right. A fanny pack for your head.

Doesn't it sound just glorious?

So if you haven't figured it out, the front there unzips to hold cell phones, money, cameras... Anything you'd need at DisneyWorld, basically. And check out how many colors there are! I already got one for all the members of my zexy sistah family (spoiler alert!) and there's still like NINE more colors available.

I can't wait to carry my important items around in a sassy red fanny pack... FOR MY HEAD. 

...FIVE POTTER PRESENTS

four snuggie knockoffs

three Ed Hardy hookahs

two handerpants

and an ornament of yummy sushi

 Category(s): AWESOME

(Find it HERE)

On the Fifth Day of Christmas

my true love gave to me
FIVE POTTER PRESENTS!!

There are 23 pages of (just movie related) merchandise on Warner Brother's gift shop, plus the countless other Harry-centric sites, which means there is a ton of cheesetastic Harry Potter merchandise out there.

for example, this is a HAT, y'all

But since it would be impossible to pick only five absurd things, here are five things I actually think are really cool and would unashamedly would wear and/or use and/or drink out of:

Represent.

I don't think this (the necklace, not the book) necessarily screams Harry Potter... at least, not to the 2% of the world who haven't read the books or seen the movie.

I need to drink my butterbeer coffee out of this mug. It changes colors when you pour something hot into it!

If I can't "accio" my groceries back to the apartment, at least I can carry them in this bag.

I actually think this Horcrux ring is really funky/cool/pretty. Say what you want about Slytherin, he's got taste. 

...four snuggie knockoffs

three Ed Hardy hookahs

two handerpants

and an ornament of yummy sushi

 Category(s): awesome

[Find them HERE: shirt, necklace, mug, bag, ring]

P.s. Oh em gee, y'all, I haven't gotten around to posting about HP7.1, but it was SO so good. 

On the Fourth Day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

four Snuggie knockoffs! 

Me: We look goooooood!
Brian: What? I can't hear you over my embarrassment.
Penny: ZZZzzzzzzz

I know, I know. You didn't think the Snuggie could be topped, did you? It's a BLANKET with SLEEVES, y'all. What could be better than that? Well I'm not sure, but these four manufacturers gave it a try. 

#1. The Double Slanket (see above). What couple DOESN'T need a giant blanket with two sets of sleeves to make it easier to feed each other chocolate covered strawberries (or more likely in this apartment, pounds and pounds of chips & dip) whilst staying super toasty warm?!? Take it from someone who is always cold and spends the majority of life under quilts of various sorts, I can't imagine anything more romantic in the whole world than the Double Slanket.*

#2. The Thuggie.

For those that are too street and/or hood and/or gangsta for the original Snuggie. Sponsored by the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.** My favorite thing about the Thuggie is that the website describes it as a "pants optional" garment. My second favorite thing is that they make mini versions called "Thuglettes" which are tiny and adorable:

#3. The Musuc Bag.

I don't know what "musuc" is supposed to describe, but possibly it is trying to market this to those who live in subartic Russia? I can't imagine wearing a jumpsuit-slash-sleeping bag, but I assume it's pretty warm. And comfy. And bonus! In the Musac Bag, you don't look like you belong in a full Baptist choir. Yay!***

#4. The Snuggie for Dogs.

Okay, so this is technically an actual Snuggie, not a knockoff. But its still absurd. The whole idea behind the Snuggie is that you can wear it to stay warm but also use your hands. DOGS ALREADY HAVE COATS. DOGS DON'T HAVE HANDS. DOGS DON'T NEED SNUGGIES.**** Really, these are just fleece t-shirts and/or capes and will cause your canine to be mocked by all the others at the dogpark. Don't make your pup be "that dog."

Also, I just have to add, the wikipedia page for "sleeved blanket" is hiLARious and insightful.

...three Ed Hardy hookahs

two handerpants

and an ornament of yummy sushi

 Category(s):  ridiculous

[Find them HERE: Double Slanket, Thuggie, MusucBag, Pet Snuggie]

* I can.
** It's not, but it should be.

*** That doesn't mean you look good, however. 
**** Snuggles, maybe. But that's a different post altogether.

P.s. Shoutout to Rachel Brooks for first introducing me to the Thuggie! 

On the Third Day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

three Ed Hardy hookahs!

red, white and blue - as Amurrican as apple pie and baseball, by damn

Oh god.

Do people still buy Ed Hardy gear? I thought Jon Gosselin had made the brand synonymous with "douchebags" (the only good thing he ever did for society)... Regardless, this might be the worst of all the terrible things Ed Hardy has ever inflicted on the world. I can't even adequately write about it. Let's let the website description speak for itself, shall we?

Ed Hardy's art surrounds the water-bowl. Quickly the tempo of the Hookah builds up across small shades of art cutting across the Hookah's body-sparkle A third up the Hookah throat on the disco-ball are beautiful snippets of Ed Hardy's art. This art enters the Ash balcony constructed of glass. The Hookah is topped by a Beautifully shaped and smoothed Tobacco head. The Lightweight and aerodynamic hose is lightly touched with glittery-impressions running down the hose and then with its Ultra durable and flexible frame shapes itself across the Hookah's body.

Okay now stop. Read that again.

Just so you know, that is all copy and paste. I did not change a bit of that account. And you're not reading it wrong. It really does say: "small shades of art" "body-sparkle" "beautiful snippets of Ed Hardy's art" and "lightly touched with glittery-impressions."

Ignoring the blatant disregard for common grammar and capitalization, the fifth-grade adjectives, the awkwardly sexual nature of the description.... no, actually, you know what? This PERFECTLY encapsulates the Ed Hardy hookah.

...two handerpants

and an ornament of yummy sushi

Category(s): ridiculous, WTF

[Find them HERE]

On the Second Day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

 two handerpants!

Let's just read how these gems are described by the website, shall we?

"Crafted in breathable 95% cotton, these cosy, palm-protecting undercrackers absorb sweat and prevent chafing, and can be worn alone (but with the rest of your clothes on, obviously) or underneath gloves, making them ideal for all kinds of tasks, from typing and lifting weights to doing jazz hands at improv shows and pretending your fingers are hunky Calvin Klein models. They really are total pants." 

First of all, what the hell is an undercracker??
Second of all, who would EVER wear these?
Third of all... just why. Why. Why???

...and an ornament of yummy sushi

Category(s): dumb, WTF

[Find it HERE]

On the First Day of Christmas

It's that time again... time to begin planning, purchasing and packaging the best presents I can possibly procure (suck on THAT alliteration!). Yes, that's right, its beginning to feel a lot like Christmas. And I know it's not even Thanksgiving yet, but let's face it, most stores started stocking Christmas merchandise the minute temperatures got below 72*, so I'm just not fighting it this year. In the spirit of gift giving and receiving, over the next month and a half I will be counting down some of the most ridiculous, dumbest, WTFiest and/or most awesome things the internet has to offer, Christmas-carol style. Here we go!

On the first day of Christmas
my true love gave to me
an ornament of yummy sushi!

There are lots of traditions around Christmas, from the time the tree goes up (the day after Thanksgiving, without fail) to what we eat Christmas morning (coffee cake, which is prepped before any gifts get opened and then cooks during the unwrapping bonanza and then is eaten as we sit amid piles of paper and bows and shiny new presents) to certain gifts we get. It is a tradition in my family to get a new ornament, or two, or five, each year commemorating something special that happened that year - some big occasion or fun family trip or life-changing event. Over the years, this has turned our tree into a quirky, colorful hodgepodge of memories. Decorating the Christmas tree each year is like taking a little trip through time. As I hang each one, I remember visiting the Monterey aquarium or joining the basketball team that one year or starting school at Millsaps or all the fun I’ve had with my sorority family.

With all that has occurred this year, there are a plethora of ornament options. Graduating college, moving to big city Boston, starting grad school at BU – I’m sure one of these will result in another ornament to add to the tree and every year hereafter when I nestle it among the branches, I will remember this year.

But you know… sometimes a girl just wants some sushi. Because sushi is awesome.

Category(s): awesome (obviously)

[Find it HERE]

* Except for the Hobby Lobby in Jackson, MS, which already had at least three aisles of Christmas decorations up in July.