On the Third Day of Christmas

my true love gave to me

three Ed Hardy hookahs!

red, white and blue - as Amurrican as apple pie and baseball, by damn

Oh god.

Do people still buy Ed Hardy gear? I thought Jon Gosselin had made the brand synonymous with "douchebags" (the only good thing he ever did for society)... Regardless, this might be the worst of all the terrible things Ed Hardy has ever inflicted on the world. I can't even adequately write about it. Let's let the website description speak for itself, shall we?

Ed Hardy's art surrounds the water-bowl. Quickly the tempo of the Hookah builds up across small shades of art cutting across the Hookah's body-sparkle A third up the Hookah throat on the disco-ball are beautiful snippets of Ed Hardy's art. This art enters the Ash balcony constructed of glass. The Hookah is topped by a Beautifully shaped and smoothed Tobacco head. The Lightweight and aerodynamic hose is lightly touched with glittery-impressions running down the hose and then with its Ultra durable and flexible frame shapes itself across the Hookah's body.

Okay now stop. Read that again.

Just so you know, that is all copy and paste. I did not change a bit of that account. And you're not reading it wrong. It really does say: "small shades of art" "body-sparkle" "beautiful snippets of Ed Hardy's art" and "lightly touched with glittery-impressions."

Ignoring the blatant disregard for common grammar and capitalization, the fifth-grade adjectives, the awkwardly sexual nature of the description.... no, actually, you know what? This PERFECTLY encapsulates the Ed Hardy hookah.

...two handerpants

and an ornament of yummy sushi

Category(s): ridiculous, WTF

[Find them HERE]