8:33 – RE: The Biebs getting "the 18-24 demographic." Try the 10-18 demographic.
8:41 – So I didn't catch every word of the opening song, but was Jonah Hill the only one that got mocked? Ouch, dude. You just got called out by Billy Crystal.
8:42 – This Carl-the-Seat-Filler dude is awesome. I want his job.
8:43 – First award! The winner looks like Gandalf the Grey goes formal. We are off on the wrong foot, office-pool-wise.
8:50 – All these cracks at the theatre are really falling flat. Really, is Billy Crystal the only one they could get to host? Also, what is the point of this super random montage of movies?
8:54 – "A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to prove you're a lady." J. Lo, you are failing one of those criteria.
8:58 – We are getting back on track with the office pool, Brian picked the last three correctly! Of course, the big points are earned at the end. Since we haven't seen Hugo, The Artist OR The Iron Lady, the proceedings are a little wah-wah so far.
9:00 – This is cute, actors talking about movies from their childhood (if a little desperately saying, "You should pay money to go to the movies again!"). Although I'm suspicious that Brad Pitt's "Gargantua" movie is actually a hallucination he has when he was high. Also, Helen Mirren is fantastic. Also also, why is Adam Sandler involved?
9:03 – Apparently I missed a J. Lo nip slip. Isn't that just a regular Sunday night for her though?
9:05 – A friend texted, RE: the makeup win, "I'm confused how best makeup went to transforming a white lady into a white lady." This is a valid point.
9:09 – "A dark knight, an American psycho and a charismatic crackhead - you'll get to choose one on Super Tuesday." FINALLY, the first good joke of the night by Mr. Crystal.
9:10 – I loved both Jessica Chastain and Octavia Spencer in The Help. LOVED. Lurved. Luved.
9:12 – YES. First standing O! Also, every one of Octavia's speeches has been so heartfelt and hilarious and wonderful all awards season. LOVE HER.
9:14 – P.s. Expect more capslock attack as the wine bottle gets emptier.
9:20 – I'm just SO glad they rushed Octavia off the stage to do this (terrible) Wizard of Oz sketch. Grumble grumble.
9:25 – I kind of love how the film editing winners were just like, "Let's get out of here" after being a bit flustered and unprepared. It's refreshing.
9:26 – You KNOW they were so proud of that "Hugo," "No, hugo" joke.
9:38 – When I was in the seventh grade my family went to Las Vegas and saw Cirque du Soleil and it was magical, so although most people probably think this whole thing is gimmicky (and it might be a little), I kind of love it.
9:40 – Also, I've pretty much just stopped listening whenever Billy Crystal talks.
9:43 – Gwynnie seems so out of touch with the world with her whole GOOP thing, but I can't help but like her when she looks so good and when she and Robert Downey Jr. balance each other out to actually pretty funny results.
9:44 – The "get off the stage music" is MERCILESS this year.
9:51 – I'm so excited for Brave, and yes, it is 100% because the heroine is a redhead. Here's hoping this is Pixar's return to the good old days.
9:52 – Emma Stone's swanning around this introduction is hilarious. LOVE HER.
9:55 – I wanted to vote for Harry Potter in the office pool in this category (Visual Effects), but Brian vetoed me. Let's all hope I'm right so I can gloat for the rest of the night. But also, let's hope he's right so we can get 75 bucks. Conflict.
9:56 – NEITHER OF US GOT IT RIGHT. Lame.
10:01 – "You're only two years older than me, darling, where have you been all my life?" You are an adorable man, Christopher Plummer.
10:02 – Also I'm going to force Brian to dress exactly like him when we get old and his hair turns white. Velvet jacket, white mustache and little bow tie all the way. Also ALSO, that speech was perfect. Funny, classy, genuine and capped by thanking his lovely wife.
10:07 – Killer 'Revenge' promo.
10:09 – Okay, this "I know what you're thinking" sketch has some funny moments. The second laugh you've wrestled out of me, Billy.
10:13 – The best original score category has the best nominee montage of the night. Reminds me of how much I liked the screenplay one from last year.
10:16 – WTF Will Ferrell and Zach Galifinakis in white tails and smashing cymbals. Also, Zach mispronouncing his own name might well have been the hardest I've laughed all night.
10:20 – Apparently nine SNL cast members have been nominated for Oscars but none have won. Will Kristin Wiig be the first to take home the little golden man?!? Stay tuned my friends.
10:25 – Why the hell is Angelina Jolie sticking her leg out like that?
10:30 – Okay, seriously though, her arms look freakishly frail. Angie, eat a cheeseburger!!
10:31 – We are neck and neck with someone named "Chris" in the office pool. It is all riding on the short documentary category (we have all the same picks besides that category). The tension mounts.
10:39 – Oh, cast of Bridesmaids. I love you. Please come hang out with me. Please show up at my bachelorette party. I don't know when it is, but it's in NYC. Get in touch with Tait Kellogg and she'll give you the details.
10:41 – YES. They continued the "Scorcese" drinking game joke from the SAG Awards. Attention all friendys - this is our new drinking game.
10:50 – It's time for the big awards, and not a moment too soon. I'm going to run out of wine dangerously soon.
10:54 – This man's speech is adorable. As is his accent. As is how he thanked the dog. Best director yay!
10:55 – I love Meryl's lil glasses.
11:04 – That is AN AFRO.
11:05 – I'm assuming L'il Sebastian will be egregiously left out of this In Memorium as well.
11:09 – Like the caveman, wine and sleepiness have reduced me to single-though sentences. So close, only three awards to go...
11:14 – I enjoy that they gave Natalie Portman very Star Wars intro music. I don't know the first dude, I didn't see George Clooney in The Descendants, I also didn't see Jean Dujardin in The Artist, Natalie Portman keeps glancing back at the teleprompter and it's distracting, I DID see Gary Oldman in Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy and it was pretty good but not ahmahhhzing, I did also see Brad Pitt in Moneyball and it was also a'ight. So all in all (and particularly compared to my enthusiasm for COLIN FIRTH last year), my attitude toward this category is MEH.
11:19 – I really wish I had seen The Artist and/or could understand whatever that outburst at the end of Jean Dujardin's speech was.
11:24 – Hello Colin. Thank you for being here.
11:25 – I could listen to this man address nominees all day.
11:27 – "Meryl. Mamma Mia. We were in Greece. I was gay and we were happy." Yes.
11:29 – And it's Meryl. I'm disappointed that Viola didn't win, because I want The Help to win everything always, but it's Meryl effin' Streep and her speech is just great.
11:33 – Wait, why is Tom Cruise introducing the biggest event of the night?
11:37 – Seriously, why haven't I seen The Artist yet?! The director's address to his wife (and the star) Berenice Bejo was beautiful. Darn it, me!
11:40 – And that's the show. I have the hiccups, Penny is licking her tail and Brian is busily counting up the points on the ballots for his office pool (he's in charge this year). The end.
8:41 – So I didn't catch every word of the opening song, but was Jonah Hill the only one that got mocked? Ouch, dude. You just got called out by Billy Crystal.
8:42 – This Carl-the-Seat-Filler dude is awesome. I want his job.
8:43 – First award! The winner looks like Gandalf the Grey goes formal. We are off on the wrong foot, office-pool-wise.
8:50 – All these cracks at the theatre are really falling flat. Really, is Billy Crystal the only one they could get to host? Also, what is the point of this super random montage of movies?
8:54 – "A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to prove you're a lady." J. Lo, you are failing one of those criteria.
8:58 – We are getting back on track with the office pool, Brian picked the last three correctly! Of course, the big points are earned at the end. Since we haven't seen Hugo, The Artist OR The Iron Lady, the proceedings are a little wah-wah so far.
9:00 – This is cute, actors talking about movies from their childhood (if a little desperately saying, "You should pay money to go to the movies again!"). Although I'm suspicious that Brad Pitt's "Gargantua" movie is actually a hallucination he has when he was high. Also, Helen Mirren is fantastic. Also also, why is Adam Sandler involved?
9:03 – Apparently I missed a J. Lo nip slip. Isn't that just a regular Sunday night for her though?
9:05 – A friend texted, RE: the makeup win, "I'm confused how best makeup went to transforming a white lady into a white lady." This is a valid point.
9:09 – "A dark knight, an American psycho and a charismatic crackhead - you'll get to choose one on Super Tuesday." FINALLY, the first good joke of the night by Mr. Crystal.
9:10 – I loved both Jessica Chastain and Octavia Spencer in The Help. LOVED. Lurved. Luved.
9:12 – YES. First standing O! Also, every one of Octavia's speeches has been so heartfelt and hilarious and wonderful all awards season. LOVE HER.
9:14 – P.s. Expect more capslock attack as the wine bottle gets emptier.
9:20 – I'm just SO glad they rushed Octavia off the stage to do this (terrible) Wizard of Oz sketch. Grumble grumble.
9:25 – I kind of love how the film editing winners were just like, "Let's get out of here" after being a bit flustered and unprepared. It's refreshing.
9:26 – You KNOW they were so proud of that "Hugo," "No, hugo" joke.
9:38 – When I was in the seventh grade my family went to Las Vegas and saw Cirque du Soleil and it was magical, so although most people probably think this whole thing is gimmicky (and it might be a little), I kind of love it.
9:40 – Also, I've pretty much just stopped listening whenever Billy Crystal talks.
9:43 – Gwynnie seems so out of touch with the world with her whole GOOP thing, but I can't help but like her when she looks so good and when she and Robert Downey Jr. balance each other out to actually pretty funny results.
9:44 – The "get off the stage music" is MERCILESS this year.
9:51 – I'm so excited for Brave, and yes, it is 100% because the heroine is a redhead. Here's hoping this is Pixar's return to the good old days.
9:52 – Emma Stone's swanning around this introduction is hilarious. LOVE HER.
9:55 – I wanted to vote for Harry Potter in the office pool in this category (Visual Effects), but Brian vetoed me. Let's all hope I'm right so I can gloat for the rest of the night. But also, let's hope he's right so we can get 75 bucks. Conflict.
9:56 – NEITHER OF US GOT IT RIGHT. Lame.
10:01 – "You're only two years older than me, darling, where have you been all my life?" You are an adorable man, Christopher Plummer.
10:02 – Also I'm going to force Brian to dress exactly like him when we get old and his hair turns white. Velvet jacket, white mustache and little bow tie all the way. Also ALSO, that speech was perfect. Funny, classy, genuine and capped by thanking his lovely wife.
10:07 – Killer 'Revenge' promo.
10:09 – Okay, this "I know what you're thinking" sketch has some funny moments. The second laugh you've wrestled out of me, Billy.
10:13 – The best original score category has the best nominee montage of the night. Reminds me of how much I liked the screenplay one from last year.
10:16 – WTF Will Ferrell and Zach Galifinakis in white tails and smashing cymbals. Also, Zach mispronouncing his own name might well have been the hardest I've laughed all night.
10:20 – Apparently nine SNL cast members have been nominated for Oscars but none have won. Will Kristin Wiig be the first to take home the little golden man?!? Stay tuned my friends.
10:25 – Why the hell is Angelina Jolie sticking her leg out like that?
10:30 – Okay, seriously though, her arms look freakishly frail. Angie, eat a cheeseburger!!
10:31 – We are neck and neck with someone named "Chris" in the office pool. It is all riding on the short documentary category (we have all the same picks besides that category). The tension mounts.
10:39 – Oh, cast of Bridesmaids. I love you. Please come hang out with me. Please show up at my bachelorette party. I don't know when it is, but it's in NYC. Get in touch with Tait Kellogg and she'll give you the details.
10:41 – YES. They continued the "Scorcese" drinking game joke from the SAG Awards. Attention all friendys - this is our new drinking game.
10:50 – It's time for the big awards, and not a moment too soon. I'm going to run out of wine dangerously soon.
10:54 – This man's speech is adorable. As is his accent. As is how he thanked the dog. Best director yay!
10:55 – I love Meryl's lil glasses.
11:04 – That is AN AFRO.
11:05 – I'm assuming L'il Sebastian will be egregiously left out of this In Memorium as well.
11:09 – Like the caveman, wine and sleepiness have reduced me to single-though sentences. So close, only three awards to go...
11:14 – I enjoy that they gave Natalie Portman very Star Wars intro music. I don't know the first dude, I didn't see George Clooney in The Descendants, I also didn't see Jean Dujardin in The Artist, Natalie Portman keeps glancing back at the teleprompter and it's distracting, I DID see Gary Oldman in Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy and it was pretty good but not ahmahhhzing, I did also see Brad Pitt in Moneyball and it was also a'ight. So all in all (and particularly compared to my enthusiasm for COLIN FIRTH last year), my attitude toward this category is MEH.
11:19 – I really wish I had seen The Artist and/or could understand whatever that outburst at the end of Jean Dujardin's speech was.
11:24 – Hello Colin. Thank you for being here.
11:25 – I could listen to this man address nominees all day.
11:27 – "Meryl. Mamma Mia. We were in Greece. I was gay and we were happy." Yes.
11:29 – And it's Meryl. I'm disappointed that Viola didn't win, because I want The Help to win everything always, but it's Meryl effin' Streep and her speech is just great.
11:33 – Wait, why is Tom Cruise introducing the biggest event of the night?
11:37 – Seriously, why haven't I seen The Artist yet?! The director's address to his wife (and the star) Berenice Bejo was beautiful. Darn it, me!
11:40 – And that's the show. I have the hiccups, Penny is licking her tail and Brian is busily counting up the points on the ballots for his office pool (he's in charge this year). The end.
Man, this live blogging . . .it's almost like I'm in the theater! . . .or at least just watching . . . which I'm not . . .
ReplyDeleteKeep it up bud. Lovin it.