lethargy

Sleep is ruining my life.

And not even that I don't get enough of it. No, the problem is that I sleep too much. I try really hard to get up and at 'em with Brian before he goes off to work. But inevitably I wind up back in bed, hitting the snooze button for another hour... or two.

And the lethargy that I feel has been creeping into my waking hours too. I feel like for the past few weeks, I just wander from task to task, doing all of them halfway and none of them to my satisfaction. I feel like I have so many half-begun projects strewn about my apartment and my life that I don't know if I will ever get them all done. There's dishes and reading and laundry and classes and exercise and interviewing and writing and it's all so much. It's more enjoyable to just stay in my pjs and watch Castle online.

I even tried Operation Unplug to get myself to stop reading blogs and watching TV and start achieving things and I was pretty successful at the unplugging, but much less so at the self-motivating. Especially after I downloaded the Angry Birds app...

I don't know if it's the fact that I'm 100% burned out on school or some unknown factor, but getting myself geared up to tackle another day is becoming harder and harder.

Maybe my body and mind are physically rebelling against adulthood.

Last week while I was expressing my excitement about President's Day giving us a day off of school and therefore a week off of writing articles for one of my classes and basically bemoaning the workload, some asshat classmate snarked in a really judgmental tone, "Well, isn't this what we want to do for our lives?" And yes, it is. Or at least I think it is. Or at least I got into grad school to decide if it is. But that doesn't change how I feel.

I bet that classmate doesn't suffer from too much sleep.

Facebook vs the world

Brian and I watched The Social Network one night last week. The same day, I checked my own facebook two or three times, "like"d some things, posted a link on Brian's wall (a little Valentine's gift hint), and was told a story about two old family friends who connected via facebook and then had a (as the story-teller put it) "fairy tale" romance.

I never thought I would hear the words "facebook" and "fairy tale romance" in the same sentence.

Now this week I am essentially giving up facebook (and other internet distractions) for five days in an effort to break my intense time wasting habits. And it is hard.

All this is to say it is absolutely insane that one man and one corporation has so much control and influence over our daily lives. In the communication course I TA'd for last semester I doubt there was a week in which facebook was not mentioned at least once, including the day we discussed a news story in which a man PROPOSED by asking in his status update and his lady accepted by LIKING IT and writing about her excitement in her own status update. Just yesterday we talked in another class about a study asserting that the facebook 'relatonship status' is literally changing the way we as as society go about courtship and casual dating - people are having the "defining the relationship" talk much sooner because they feel pressure to have their relationship 'official' on facebook. Even when Brian and I got engaged (thank you snookums for not doing it on fb!), people were saying to me within a day or two, "Change your relationship status to engaged!!" as if until it was official on facebook, it couldn't possibly be true in real life.

I wonder if we should just skip the marriage license altogether and just change our status to "married" right after saying "I do."

This train of thought leads to some even more absurd pondering. What if, someday, babies are popped out of their mothers and immediately given a name, a social security number and a facebook?

I know The Social Network is of dubious veracity, but there are undoubtably some nuggets of truth in there, and I am just amazed by the story (sidenote: and I think it is a really really good movie). Zuckerberg, this incredibly socially awkward (did you see him on SNL?!) guy stumbled on some innate truth about us as people in this moment and it just exploded.

When I got a facebook I always assumed it wouldn't last past college. Back then, it was only for college students. Now, even with everyone and their grandmothers on it - literally - I can't imagine getting off. Even Brian, who is ardently anti-facebook, keeps his technically active just as a way to reach out to people he might not be able to contact otherwise. It has gotten to the point where if one of my facebook friends fails to upload pictures of some event, I am mad. What do you MEAN, I can't stalk the wedding of this random person from high school that I wasn't invited to anyway?!?! This is utterly irrational behavior, and yet, I challenge most people to admit they haven't felt that way at least once.

I said Zuckerberg found an "innate truth" about us. I think that's true. I don't think we ever realized how much our society feels the need to share, to be heard and seen, before facebook. But I also think the facebook phenomenon is shaping us, changing some innate truths about us. And not just in the way that we look at a picture and say, "OMG, new profile pic!!" In some deep way I really think facebook is affecting our culture and even the world. Only time will tell how much.


Operation Unplug Update: I have been doing pretty well, but not amazing. I watched a little extra TV with Brian on Valentine's and today snuck in some etsy time to send wedding ideas to one of my best friends. I've been missing reading my blogs the most. Unfortunately I discovered the Angry Birds app over the weekend and that has replaced a good bit of the time I would be getting back via this experiment... Must work on that.

Operation Unplug

Confession time: I am a time-waster. Not just a procrastinator, but a serious time-waster. The devils on the shoulders of this vice are the Internet and television. It is just sad how many times I sit down for a mere hour of blog-surfing or to check out an episode of CSI (just one, I tell myself) and the next thing I know, it’s 4:00 in the afternoon and I’m still in my pajamas and haven’t accomplished anything.

I have been thinking about this problem of mine and also about what people did before there were 9079858796 channels of satellite TV and 3028439025329840 million pages of Internet info to consume every minute and brain cell of the day. I can only imagine how much more productive life was. And how much reading got done! I miss reading for fun.

So this week I am conducting an experiment on myself. Introducing Operation Unplug: For the next five days, Monday through Friday, I am disengaging from my devices. No TV and no Internet (almost). No mindless smartphone use.

Obviously, anything academic is still okay. I literally have to use the Internet or I will fail my classes. Likewise, I feel like watching the news in the morning is something fairly necessary to stay on top of national and world goings-on.

I am also allowing myself a few indulgences, since quitting cold turkey is never advised. Under the rules of Operation Unplug (rules which I just wrote), I can have one indulgence per medium:

• Computer - I can access my blog, but for no more than 30-45 minutes per day. 
• Phone - I can use twitter, but again, only once a day. 
• TV - I can watch Jeopardy with Brian from 7:30-8 (yes, we really do watch it almost every day) and Glee on Tuesday.

But that's it! No CSI or random TLC shows. No Food Network. No online shopping for shoes I can't afford. No wedding blogs and random etsy surfing. No checking my facebook on my phone every other hour.

In order to prepare for this experiment, I have taken several precautions. I have created an extensive blacklist on the Self Control app on my computer. I seriously wish I had known about/had access to this in college – you set up a list of sites, set a timer and for that amount of time the app will not allow you to access the sites. There’s no way to break it, as far as I know, unless you just uninstalled the whole thing I guess. You just have to wait for the clock to run out. Every morning I plan to activate the app for the next 24 hours.

I have also moved the distracting apps on my phone (facebook, RSS feed, etc) to a page wayyyyy in the back so I do not just automatically open them when I look at my phone and put a big note on the TV that says DO NOT USE ME, KATHLEEN. GO READ A BOOK.

But this is still going to take a considerable amount of self-discipline – an amount I’m not positive I have.  We shall see.

how you know you're old

The scene: A typical Thursday night (last night, to be exact).
The players: Brian and myself. Penny was probably sleeping somewhere she's not supposed to be sleeping.
The time: Late evening, sometime after our nightly Jeopardy ritual.

Brian: Baby, while you're in the kitchen, will you get me some Tums?
Me: God, I love it when you talk dirty to me.

sensationalism, or why American news sucks

Poor Michelle Obama. This morning she appeared on the Today Show (along with a dog that knows over 1,000 words and Russell Brand - what a motley crew) and while I felt that her answers were predictably PR, I found Matt Lauer's questioning to be bordering on the absurd. Maybe it wasn't Lauer's fault - he probably didn't write the questions and he wasn't the originator of some of the ideas he asked about. But he still asked them.

Lady O was supposed to be appearing to talk about the "Let's Move" campaign, which is a year old now (correct me if I'm wrong on that). Lauer mentioned school lunch legislation for about a second before bringing up the supposed hypocrisy she is accused of for initiating and promoting "Let's Move" while also allowing buffalo wings, beer, burgers and more to be served at the White House Super Bowl party. NOT BUFFALO WINGS AND BEER. Good god, anything but buffalo wings and beer!! Apparently people are equating this to the Obamas saying drugs are bad and then stuffing a kilo of cocaine up each nostril.

WHY IS THIS NEWS?!?! Encouraging healthy eating in schools and raising awareness about the dangerous levels of childhood obesity does not mean you are shackled into a life of only eating celery sticks. There is no hypocrisy here. Michelle and her family are all healthy and in shape. If they want to have buffalo wings and beer on the one day when it is basically un-freaking-AMERICAN to do so, they can!! (Except Malia and Sasha of course, on the beer).

Speaking of the first daughters, Lauer also had this to say:

Matt Lauer: I was thinking, I was trying to do the math here a second ago—if your husband is fortunate enough to win reelection, that's six more years in the White House for your family. Sasha will be 15, Malia will be 18, she'll be ready not only to leave the White House, but to leave the house. This is their only childhood, and I know you've said to me in the past that you're making it as normal as possible, but you don't get a re-do. At the end of six years, you can't go to someone and say, now I want to re do this in a quieter and more private way. Does that concern you?

DUDE. Chill the hell out. Lauer makes it sound like the girls are growing up next to an active crackhouse, or worse - as a tween star on the Disney Channel (see: Miley). Sure, Sasha and Malia are experiencing an untraditional childhood but they aren't losing their childhood. There are millions upon millions of young girls in horrible living situations, who don't have enough to eat or a safe place to live or the comfort of a real family. THE OBAMA GIRLS HAVE BARBIES IN THEIR IMAGE. They are going to be okay.

Ole Matty also brought up the fact that the girls aren't allowed to be on facebook, per the Secret Service. OH MY GOD THEY ARE SO DEPRIVED HOW WILL THEY EVER LIVE OR BE NORMAL OR EVEN EXIST???

All of this, on the heels of the brouhaha Oscar de la Renta kicked up about Michelle choosing to wear a non-American designer (Alexander McQueen) to the gala for the Chinese president (GOD FORBID the most stylish First Lady since Jackie O wear a designer who isn't you, Oscar), is just absurd.

Let's talk about issues, people. Let's not talk about buffalo wings and beer.

in a sartorial rut

I would like to think I have some amount of style.

When I was little, I even convinced myself that I would make a great fashion designer and created sketchbooks of patchwork jeans and one-shoulder tops and whatever else was popular in 1998.

But lately I have been in a huge rut, wearing the same jeans with a BU sweatshirt or one of three nearly identical (but different color) blouses. And the same boots. And the same cardigans. And when all that fails, the same large white T. And in the past few weeks it has just started to feel so blahhhhhhh.

Part of it is that the fun dressing up events from college don't exist here in grad school. No swaps or theme parties to create some elaborate costume for, no semiformals to get excited about buying a new dress for, not even pin attire to motivate me to dress well. It was fun to put together cute (and sometimes ridiculous) outfits at Millsaps because a) everyone knows everyone on campus and no one wants to be known as the girl that dresses like a hobo/colorblind epileptic/desperate D-list celebrity*, b) there was a 87% chance I would be photographed any given day and therefore that outfit would live on forever, and c) I hadn't a care in the world - seriously, the most important decisions of the day were typically what to wear, whether to eat in the Caf' or Kava House, and whether I should do my reading tonight or in the morning.

Part of it is the weather. Knowing I will be wearing the same (very bulky and warm) coat every day, piling on hats and scarves and gloves and god know what else to make the trek without frostbite somewhat limits my options (and my motivation).

Part of it is also that being an adult costs money. Money that used to be spent on beautiful clothes is now extracted mercilessly by my apartment rental office, one painful dollar at a time.

Part of it is, despite the aforementioned soul-sucking rent, our closet is fairly wee and my side of it is so piled high with clothes, shoes, scarves/gloves/hats/tights, suitcases, an extra comforter, towels, cleaning supplies, unused frames and other random knickknacks that it is almost impossible to navigate, so I usually just end up reaching for the same things over and over again.

In any case, my rut sucks. I read a lot of blogs out there in the interwebs, including several fashion blogs, and I keep getting partially inspired and partially depressed by what some of the internet fashionistas are putting together out there. They are so creative with their pairings of new and vintage pieces, funky jewelry, use of color and, best of all, a lot of them get FREE CLOTHES because they blog about them!

But unfortunately I believe that dressing well and cultivating style, no matter who you are, inevitably takes time and money, two things that are scarce in grad school.

What I REALLY want is for Real Simple to come organize my closet, a personal shopper to load me up with beautiful unique vintage pieces, several Etsy artists to send me jewelry/hair pieces/funky tidbits and all the stores on Newbury street to open their doors to me... for free.

I mean, really, is that too much to ask??

* No offense intended toward hoboes, colorblind epileptics or desperate D-list celebrities.

The Facebook Conundrum

I've been struggling lately with what to do about my facebook and twitter accounts now that I'm a real person in the real world, not a ridiculous college student softly cushioned in the Millsaps Bubble.

Most of my peers have heard it a million trillion times: You have to keep your facebook, etc "clean" or potential employers WILL find you and they WILL hate you and you WILL be fired/not hired.

Lately I've been getting a somewhat different story from my professors, who are much more tech-savvy than last semester. These professors are saying you HAVE to have a blog and you HAVE to tweet and you HAVE to facebook and you HAVE to read every news site and blog and tweet out there and you HAVE to make all those things news-centric and compatible to build your brand or you WILL be left choking on the dust of others.

And I get it and I'm excited by it and it is one of the things that I really like about journalism today. I have already admitted to being a social media whore. I spend just as much time planning posts for this blog as I do actual assignments for a grade. (Just kidding, Mom and Dad! I was exaggerating for comedic effect! I spend over 86% of my time thinking about, doing and reflecting on homework!)

But for me, the blog/facebook/twitter me has always been somewhat separate from the professional me. They are both sides of me and they both co-exist happily inside me, but I just don't know if they co-exist as happily outside of me. Here's the thing: I like news and journalism and following news and journalists on twitter and sharing cool articles on facebook and writing my responses to the changing media world on my blog.

Buuuuuuuut.... I am twenty-two. I also like wine and I like to tweet about it. I like to dance my ass off and make ridiculous faces and put pictures of such things on facebook. I like to write the word "ass" (along with other colorful words) on my blog. I am not ashamed of any of this. I like telling funny and/or embarrassing stories about some of the ridiculous things that occur around me. I don't want to give that up, but I also don't want my potential employers to hate me and fire/not hire me just because I tweet more about wine, Penny and bacon than international crises.

I want to be professional. But I don't want to lose my online self - a self I enjoy expressing - in order to be so.