I am running out to get sustenance for us, so Brian will be taking notes until my return. Here are his thoughts on the red carpet goings-on at E!:
Nina Dobrey(sp?) from the Vampire Diaries is ssssmokin’. She “owns nothing she is wearing”. Some sort of rumor about her and some guy – status = who knows. She “would be his arm candy” if she was walking with him. She’s dumb.
Pennycat looks like she’s been on a diet. That chica licks herself so much – no one else could pull that off in public…especially with such a fluffy figure.
Colby someone looks good in a blue dress according to Ozzie Osbourne’s daughter with spiky hair.
Kathleen looks super sexy tonight. She’s wearing Walt Disney’s “hottest new piece”, the Mickey Mouse classics sweatshirt. Looks super comfy. It just screams “I want to lounge around the house, yet I’m here to party”…a la the tuxedo t-shirt. Totes fab.
WHOA! I thought a woman was speaking... and then the lady’s voice was coming from a man in a tuxedo. No shit. Maybe someone is pitching that voice? Dubbing it in? Freaky. The guy is not Ryan Seacrest, because I just saw him and his voice sounded burly, comparatively.
6:17 – Aaaaaaaaand here I am, bearing Thai AND sushi – that's right, we don't skimp when it comes to award show food around here. Let's dive right in. Apparently I just missed Lea Michelle but saw something backless and red as they cut away. Now Sarah Hyland (who looks like the mini version of girlcrush Mila Kunis) is talking about some drama involving Lea Michelle? Apparently she was being interviewed by Joan Rivers and imitating how Lea poses and then Lea got all offended over it? I’m not sure. But I do know that Sarah Hyland is adorable and is so over the drama which makes me want to be her friend.
6:20 – Literally the second E! went to commercial Brian called, “Channel recall!” so it’s over to NFL for a few.
6:24 – Yay Jane Lynch! She is hilarious. And NOT wearing a lesbian power suit for once!! She looks good.
6:26 – Apparently the opening sequence will be “epic.” We’ll see, Lynch, we’ll see.
6:30 – Paula Abdul blah blah I really couldn't care less. Time to shove some edemame in my face.
6:35 – Kaley Cuoco just (sarcastically) said, "I'm just so chic, you don't know." And also her dad is her date. New girlcrush brewing? Possibly.
6:37 – Okay finally got Lea Michelle in the 360 cam. She really does pose so over-the-top with this shit. Okay now she really IS posing on the carpet like she's on ANTM. Girl. Also she is wearing Marchesa and Marchesa agreed that they would dress her and her alone for the Emmys and you KNOW she is eating that shit up.
I also got a peek at Nina Dobrev (see Brian's comments above), also in red. She is so pretty, y'all. And her dress is so pretty.
6:42 – Another commercial break = crab rangoon break. Brian just said, "When does the actual show start?" He can't believe there is another hour and 15 minutes of this.
6:42 – I'm not sure if I'm going to watch the new Charlie's Angels, but they are real pretty, so there's that. I like the blond one's sassy bob haircut.
6:46 – Julianna Margulies looks kind of like a skyscraper, but not in a bad way?
6:48 – Christina Hendricks!! Your boobs look normal for once!!! (I.e. not like this.) Also Jesus Christ what I would give to know the secrets of having that exact hair color. She's so hot. It pains me that she often dresses so unfortunately, but today she really does look beautiful.
6:50 – Time for some "exclusive 90 second film" by/about Dior? Whatevz.
(90 seconds later) I can sum up that "film" in three words: gold, naked, breathy. That's all you need to know.
6:53 – There is a "super new" show on E! called Dirty Soap. Yep, that sounds about right.
6:54 – Tracy Jordan/Morgan! Brian (who had retreated into the bedroom) heard his voice and came in to remind me of the best thing Tracy Morgan has ever created.
7:01 – Lots is happening, but I'm eating. I'll get back to you.
7:02 – Steve Carell and wife. Both look good. Let's get some trainwrecks up in here, huh?
7:03 – Joel McHale gets on my nerves in The Soup, which is why I never watch it, but I keep hearing how hilarious Community is. Also, he is wearing a white tuxedo jacket and looks somewhat like a fancy waiter, but he's definitely pulling it off.
7:08 – More things are happening, more people look good... blah blah blah. TRAINWRECKS, where are you?
7:10 – Oooooooh Elizabeth Moss says she is wearing Marchesa. I wonder if Lea Michelle is going to run up behind her and attack her for raining on her "I'm the only one wearing Marchesa" parade? That would be awesome.
7:20 – We went back to NFL for a bit, then came back to see Julie Bowen talking about her son projectile vomiting. We also got some shot of the woman that plays Robin on How I Met Your Mother in a really nice blue color and Naya Riviera wearing black. Sass.
7:27 – And now Will Arnett is interviewing Amy Poehler. "I heard [your dress is] made out of 100 dollar bills, is that true?"
7:29 – Aaaaaaand Gwyneth Paltrow – whose name I spell as "Gwenyth" literally EVERY single time – is wearing a belly shirt? Or maybe that's illusion netting? Also it's real sheer pretty much everywhere with lots of beading covering the bits. It... is almost a good look. But in the end, almost still = girl, WHAT. But I think your shoes are cute, G!
7:32 – I should take this moment to clarify that when I say I'm wearing norts, I mean Nike shorts... not the other thing urbandictionary defines "norts" as.
7:35 – Heidi is wearing a Christian Siriano dress with an awesome giant ballerina puff skirt (check out THOSE fashion buzzwords). I love that she wears Project Runway winners' stuff. She knows where her bread is buttered. I'm pretty sure I just butchered that phrase.
7:40 – Someone I don't recognize is wearing something in the best green color ever. More please.
7:41 – Diana Agron is wearing something blue with a very demure neckline. Her hair is very Jackie O. These interviews are always SO AWKWARD. She's doing that thing where she's trying to walk away but he says one more thing and she kind of fake laughs and talks as she's leaving. Awk.
7:42 – Ole Hammbone. Giuliana just said to Jon Hamm's
P.s. Come back, Mad Men!
7:50 – Ryan and Giuliana are seriously fawning over Julianne Hough (did I spell that right?). She... doesn't look as good they are saying she is. Oh I think she and Ryan are dating... that makes more sense. But her dress washes her out, while also making me say, "meh" in a really bad way. "You look like an angel," Giuliana said. Oh God.
7:53 – Kristin Wiig as a palate cleanser thank God. She is brunette! And hot. And funny. I love her.
7:54 – They are heading to commercial with "more!" promised, but I need to pop open that wine (I can't believe I've waited this long), so I'm going to switch over to Fox to await the beginning.
7:55 – OF COURSE before I got to the remote they announced, "There are weddings. And then there are weddings of KARDASHIAN PROPORTIONS." Good lord. Peace out, E!
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