Intern Wanted

What my personal assistant would do if I had one:

• Take clothes to the consignment shop that's a million miles away because all the ones around where I live only want Chanel and Louis Vuitton and I just want to sell my too-tiny RL polos and old Target dresses, okay?
• Scour all the neighborhoods within T ride distance for a new apartment because our lease is almost up and as awesome as our neighborhood is, the rent is too. damn. high!* Especially for a place with no AC, dishwasher or laundry and a tendency for the power to go out. 
• Open and organize my mail, print all my financial statements and generally get paperwork in a nice, neat system that I can peruse quickly and efficiently when I feel like it. 
• Turn in (on time) the various forms at school that I usually forget about until it's 10:00 on the day they are due and I have to scan and email them in so they aren't late. 
• Cut out coupons. Possibly also go get groceries using said coupons, although that might border on advantage-taking. (Also note that I would not require my personal assistant to clean the apartment, because then I would feel TOO lazy and guilty.)
• Schedule eye appointments, doctor appointments, eyebrow threading appointments, dentist appointments, car repair appointments, haircuts, vet appointments, Brian's doctor appointments and dentist appointments and haircuts... and all the other body/life/house/car/Penny maintenance things that I forget to do until it's 5:00 and every place is closed. 
• Make phone calls regarding a myriad of wedding-related queries, including but not limited to venue, food, flowers, cake, accommodations, transportation, music, booze – planning a wedding from ten states away involves a lot of on-the-phone time, y'all.

What I would do while my personal assistant did all those things:

• Freelance journalism.
• Read books.
• Make books.
• Photoshop.
• Blog.
• Make things for the wedding.
• Sell things on Etsy. 
• Buy things on Etsy.
• Make decorative things for our home. 
• Play with Penny.
• Nap with Penny.
• Clean and learn to cook really awesome things. 
• Generally look a lot more presentable every day. 

...You know, looking over these lists, I think I would be a lot more of a success as a human being if I didn't want to do silly "creative" and "artistic" things all the time instead. Note to self: become less imaginative. 

* I sincerely hope at least one person got this SNL reference.